Blog
Grandma's Kitchen: Early Awareness of my Nervous System Responses
Grandma’s kitchen. This small room contained the bustle of daily activity and served as the setting for most of my experiences with my maternal grandmother. It was there where she shared life with us through her baking, cooking, and what-needs-to-get-done conversations. Grandma didn’t rest often. But when she did, we found ourselves congregating in her living room around her comfy chair, where she offered her loving support through what I can only call transformative, peace-giving foot rubs.
Train Your Nervous System to Know Peace Just as You Would Train For a Marathon
The best way to manage our emotional or nervous system reactivity is focus on what we do when we are not triggered.
In 2007 my mom passed away after a short battle with heart disease. I had so many mixed emotions about our relationship and her passing. My primary experience was a deep, deep grief. I found that walking outside was the only thing that helped alleviate that grief. Some days I walked for hours. And eventually the walking wasn’t enough, so I started running. Or maybe we would call it light jogging. I started in a pattern of jogging for a block, walking for a block, jogging for a block, walking for a block. One day I ran for one mile without stopping to walk, and it was on that day that I decided to run a half marathon with a team in training to raise money for the leukemia and lymphoma society in honor of both of my parents. I signed myself up and started their training program. In about five months I went from barely running a mile to running the full 13.2-mile half marathon.
A Look into What I Have Learned About my Nervous System and the Polyvagal Theory While Working for a Mental Health Counselor
As I watched my sweet boy climb the stairs of the bus and settle down into his seat, I realized as I waved goodbye, I was saying goodbye to a chapter of my own life. The chapter where I get to keep him all to myself day in and day out. The chapter where he is safe between the walls of our home. The chapter where I see and hear everything that influences him. We closed that chapter at 12:37pm on Monday, August 30th. As that big yellow school bus drove away, it took my beautiful baby boy with it and a piece of my heart.
Surprises Can Be Fun But Can Also Trigger Danger: How Does Your Nervous System Respond?
What has surprised you recently?
Maybe someone in your life shared some surprising news with you or a recent experience left you feeling unexpected emotions.
Maybe life threw you a curveball and you are left in a state of shock.
Maybe a stranger decided to pay for your coffee this morning and you walked away feeling delightfully surprised.
As we know, life is full of surprises (no surprise there, right?). We walk through our days not quite knowing what is waiting for us around the corner, but often thinking we do.
Polyvagal Theory, Session 6
As human beings, we are biologically inclined to assess for danger and to seek safety, both physically and emotionally. Dr. Stephen Porges’ research and study around the Polyvagal Theory and the vagus nerve supports that people are seeking that felt safety. One way we can do that is by paying attention to the tone of voice we use with others and with ourselves. Amy suggests that we take a look and notice our tone and then try to soften it when we are interacting with others and in our own minds. She offers two tips to soften your tone:
1. Sit down when you are having a difficult conversation.
2. Breathe. Allow your exhale to be longer than your inhale to bring your heart rate down before diving into a conversation.
Polyvagal Theory, Session 5
As social distancing mandates continued, Amy talks about her experience walking with a mask and sunglasses. She noticed that as she walked by people, they could not see her eyes or mouth, which prevented social connection. As she has discussed, Dr. Porges’ research shows that the vagus nerve directly connects with the facial nerves around the eyes allowing the eyes to show the true intention of the interaction. We use our eyes to signal and create felt safety for ourselves and for others. Amy’s advice, while treading these unknown waters of social distancing, is to continue to make eye contact with others, smile, and use a pleasant tone of voice to create felt safety between you and those around you.
Polyvagal Theory, Session 4
The Polyvagal Theory talks all about the vagus nerve. This nerve leaves the brain stem and goes to the torso and also branches up into the head where it affects hearing, speaking, and eye expressions. As we learn to apply the Polyvagal Theory and take notice to our nervous system reactions in our daily lives, Amy focuses on the vagus nerve and social connection. Amy provides two social connection tips:
1. Make time for face-to-face connection with someone every single day. Make sure you are looking the other person in the eye and try to eliminate any other distractions so you can be present and be thankful for the interaction.
2. PLAY! Don’t forget to make time for play. Do something that you love and that brings you joy.
Polyvagal Theory, Session 3
Mental health counselor and therapist, Amy Stenger-Sullivan speaks more on the Polyvagal Theory and how we can use the teachings within this theory to help us through uncertain times. Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory dives into the science behind our human instinct of survival, both physically and emotionally. Amy discusses Dr. Porges’ four survival responses as flock, flee, fight, and freeze. As one of ten children, Amy had to discover ways to connect with her older siblings, which led her to discover her humor. She found that she could use humor to connect (and emotionally survive) with her older siblings and soon started using humor as her survival mechanism. When thinking about your own wellness, Amy challenges you to ask yourself, “What are my survival mechanisms? How do I use them? Is it helpful or hurtful to me?”
Polyvagal Theory, Session 2
Our connection and attachment to others is key to our survival, which proved difficult as the pandemic roared on. Dr. Stephen Porges, founder of the Polyvagal Theory, states that our main function as human beings is to survive (both physically and emotionally) and our survival is dependent on our connection to others. Amy Stenger-Sullivan has been studying the Polyvagal Theory for nearly ten years and now applies it in her therapy sessions when walking alongside her clients dealing with trauma, anxiety, depression, and grief. Amy first started her study of the Polyvagal Theory as an infant massage therapist. She talks through the effects of the pandemic on our physical, emotional, financial and mental health and how maintaining connection with those around us, in a safe way, will be crucial in our ability to thrive.
Polyvagal Theory, Session 1
As a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, Amy Stenger-Sullivan recognizes the dangers of the pandemic have brought on new and real feelings of vulnerability and insecurity for many of people. Through her in-depth study of the Polyvagal Theory, Amy talks about the function of the vagus nerve and how it directly relates to feelings of being unsafe leading to anxiety, depression, etc. She provides practical ways to stimulate your vagus nerve to lower your heart rate and your anxiety in hopes of reaching the feeling of felt safety.